Zombie Apocalypse Survival Gift Guide Treasury on Etsy

Zombie Apocalypse Survival Gift Guide Treasury on Etsy

It could happen, and you can find all the things you need right here on Etsy! Handmade and vintage zombie apocalypse survival kit! Awesome!

So you've got your twine or rope which has tons of uses. Either tying up zombies who you were related to in life and don't have the heart to kill, or possibly to tie up members of an opposing survival group. Maybe even to tie up a member of your own survival group who is getting out of hand. Tons of uses.

Brains? Well, this is something most other survival guides don't tell you about. But pick up some extra brains and you have a great diversion if you ever find yourself cornered by a zombie mob.

Gloves. Yes, I know these are fingerless and that may not be the best choice. But they look way trendier than ones that cover your fingers. Gloves are for warmth and when dissecting zombies. You need to keep their blood off of you so don't just dig into their bowels without gloves on!

You need to find an old farm house and if possible, one with an old truck that works to set up your survival base. Most zombies stay in the cities what with all the great shopping and culture and stuff. So you should be safe here.

A gun and ammo goes without saying. But also make sure to have backup like a baseball bat for when the bullets run out. And they will run out.

Water pitcher. This is for water obviously. You need a container to go back and forth from your hideout to the water source. Why not make it a lovely handmade pitcher? Useful and lovely!

Rocking chair. This may seem like an odd item on the list, but you will be keeping watch on the front porch a lot and it seems like a rocking chair is the best way to do so.

Lighter, flashlight, radio. I think these are pretty self explanatory. If you can't figure out why you'd need these, you're probably already a zombie.

Fashion. This may not seem obvious, but I have a couple of very helpful items here. One, something to cover your neck. It could be your last line of defense when a hungry zombie is about to rip out your throat. Upcycled skirt. What about all those times you may need to pretend to be a zombie? A cool upcycled skirt will fit right in with the typical tattered zombie wardrobe.

And last. Beer. This may not be a part of everyone else's zombie apocalypse survival kit, but it is part of mine. If I have to go, I hope my last stand is at a brewery or at the very least with a buzz on. The pain will be less, and maybe I'l be drunk enough to think the whole thing is just a video game.

Don't Quit Your Day Job- an exclusive interview with NeatThings

Find the Etsy forum thread here


Happy Friday all! Welcome to another addition of Don't Quit Your Day Job! Like Festivus, these articles are for the rest of us! Those of us in the trenches who want to hear from fellow forumistas about their experiences.

I traveled far for this next interview with the woman herself, NeatThings. I'd always wanted to go to Colorado and was happy to have the excuse of my fake pseudo-journalist responsibilities. She wasn't hard to find as her home has a giant billboard of her head shot on the roof. We sat down on luxurious designer furniture and after sampling one of her daily pharmaceutical cocktails, we got down to business.

_____________

Q: How did you originally get into the business of making things?

It's interesting, because more often I break things. I suppose being born with opposable thumbs contributed a lot. Then there was my design-challenged mother who cut my bangs too short, dressed me in cheap hand-me-downs, and fed us canned vegetables. (Which I don't really understand, because she was smokin' hot in the 60s.) Add to that dad's inappropriate sense of humor and love of pontificating and the natural outcome was a design-conscious humor company.


Q: What made you decide to sell your wares?

A desire to expand my wine and shoe collections. I started out on Etsy selling jewelry. I did okay, but once I launched something similar to my "Obnoxious Little Parking Notes" late in 2008, the shop exploded. Really? People were buying my screwed up sense of humor? Within 2 months, I had developed an entire line of greeting cards and given away all the jewelry to friends and family. 


Q: Tell us about your working situation:

I drove by a university and they threw in a BBA in Marketing and half of an MBA in the window. I spent 15 years working for other people until I realized I was the only person I could stand to work for. I started a consulting business in 2006, which I abandoned last year to work on this business full time. I'm also a humor writer. Not that this has anything to do with anything -- I just thought you'd like to know.


Q: When you first started selling on Etsy, did you have dreams of quitting your day job?

No. I had dreams of doing something with my time other than harassing people and drinking too much wine. 


Q: Did you do anything to prepare ahead of time?

Blinked.


Q: What are the most effective ways you've marketed your business?

I find that generally being annoying helps. I don't Twitter seriously. I don't blog really. I don't do anything that bores me. The best marketing is having an unusual product that people want to buy. 


Q: Walk us through your typical workday.

Wake up with the sun. Eat something. Drink gen mai cha green tea. Sit at computer. Brainstorm. Walk dogs. Sit at computer. Eat something. Sit at computer. Plan things. Walk husband. Eat something. Sit in front of television or book. Lift some weights. Do some yoga. Get naked. Sleep. 


Q: How does having a family affect your Etsy business?

Not at all. I keep everyone locked in a closet during the day and only let them out at dinnertime. Seriously, I don't have kids. They scare the hell out of me. Nobody like me should ever be responsible for malleable lives. 


Q: What do you enjoy most about having a day job?

Making smart people laugh full time.


Q: If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself?

Get those Christian Louboutins. 


Q: What advice would you give someone else?

1. Be yourself. If you don't know who that is, go live in a cave until you figure it out.
2. Explore all potential outcomes before making decisions. Assess risk/reward.
3. Buy me those Christian Louboutins.

Q: Is there anything else you'd like to share?

No. I don't like to share. I think I was absent the day they taught that in kindergarten.

_________

Thank you NeatThings!

Business Tip of the Week- Being negative ain't so bad ya'll

It's been a rough time in Etsyville™ lately. We're all feeling a bit winded I think. And for those of you fighting the good fight on issues you care deeply about, or for those who wonder why they bother- this one's for you.

Being negative ain't all that bad ya'll. Do people call protestors 'negative nancys' or those who speak up against corruption 'whiners'? Nope. Well they may, but they don't get much press. Maybe in some weird fringe newsletters but not in the big publications.

But I digress.

Being critical is the basis for all scientific thought. Having worked in research for many years I can tell you that I never once heard a co-worker say, 'I love the lab.' In fact, most of us hated the lab. It was big, cold, the acoustics were awful and it regularly smelled like burnt agar and rat guts. So why did we go there everyday? We loved our work. We loved that we were discovering new things which one day, maybe just one day would save some bastard we didn't even know. Yes, even you. But we were still "negative" and constantly complained about our facility, were critical about our data, and showed up every day and night trying to make things better.

You had the guy who clipped his toenails in the lunchroom sink. You had the other guy who would bleach his glassware and get it all over the counter, which you'd always lean up against when you coincidentally weren't wearing your lab coat. Then there was that visiting scientist who would tell you how cluttered the lab was and how her home lab back in East Bumblefuck was so much better. And my favorite, the safety techs who wouldn't get that you had to put radioactive tape on your pens just so people would stop stealing them. They didn't see the humor or the necessity of your actions.

Etsy is like that too. To many of us, this place is just a lab. It's a place where we get to do our work. But we don't love it. It has things like bleach everywhere (treasuries on your profile). It has the guy who leaves the toenails in the sink (resellers) and it has the people who always say it's better somewhere else (AF promos). We even have the safety techs who don't get humor or necessity (the ones who report my threads so they get moved to Etc). We stay though because we love our work and this is a place to get it in front of people. Just like we stayed at the lab with its radiation, rat guts and arrogant researchers- it was where the funding and space was to do our work. 

And we liked the people we worked with. Why? Because they helped us improve. They helped us ask the the guy who clipped his toenails in the sink to kindly refrain rather than puking all over him in a show of defiance. The Etsy community is like that. I have had many kind souls talk me down from puking all over admin's desks to relieve frustration. You know who you are and I thank you. 

Bottom line is give the negative, critical people a break. And if you are one, don't beat yourself up. One can't exist without the other. If everyone were positive all the time you'd end up in a giant pool of positive goo. I imagine it to be like that stuff the bodies were submerged in during 'The Matrix'. And if everyone were negative well, it would be a universe full of Simon Cowells. And he's a multi millionaire who dates a string of gorgeous women, and has his every whim catered to. Who wants a life like that?

So good luck to all of you who are positive. In some ways I envy you because I'm sure you have a lot less stress. You see the cup as half full whereas I see that someone's just slipped the date rape drug into your drink. We all must exist together though and maybe one day one of us negative nancys will save your life. Or at least give you some advice and a supportive ear when your shop gets unexpectedly shut down. It's just business though, right?


Thread on Etsy forum