Three Simple Ways to Organize Your Desk

My desk is always a mess.  I'm what many people would refer to as, well, a slob.  But I took an organizing class and it turns out I'm not a slob at all.  I'm just someone who organizes everything in tangled, dusty, coffee stained sculptural filing systems. I'm not kidding.  There's someone whose job it was to say that my way of "organizing" is in fact nothing to be ashamed of.  So piss off.   

But as you all know I constantly strive to better myself.  Because the true sign of superiority is to acknowledge that you're not quite superior enough.  And I'm here to better you too.  Because the true sign of my awesomeness is being surrounded by the awesomest people on the internet.  Let's get our shit together, err, together.

Here's what a fucking mess my shipping area is:

Yeah, no filter is making this shit look any better.

I know you're looking at that photo and thinking, my god, what is that thing?  But I assure you it's all perfectly legal and if I need something on that desk, I know exactly where it is.  Cause I can still find the desk and I know there's probably something on there I need (pay no attention to the expensive camera teetering on the edge- that's exactly where I want it).

How to organize this mess?  I have three simple, quick and foolproof ways:

1) Cover it up.  

Mess?  What mess?

As you can see, organizing is as simple as taking some old towels and throwing them over the whole desk.  If you want to go a step further, maybe take some duct tape and make a hipster design on one or all of the towels. It gives it a trendy pop of metallic and the chevron design will have all your friends clamoring to ask you, 'where the... what the fuck?'

If you are out of old towels, sheets, target bags, etc, then perhaps this next suggestion is more your speed.

2) Make one pile of all your shit in the corner.  

If possible, only let guests look at the desk through a blurred edge filter on your iPhone.

Your desk used to have all tiny, little, shitty piles.  Now it has one massive mound of matter.  I'd call that fucking efficient!  Am I right?  My extra tip for this strategy is to take one unique architectural element and place it in the void left behind.  I chose a model of the Battlestar Galactica.  This item is your focal point.  It balances out the massive pile behind it.  And it's cool cause you just found it under all your shit you moved, and were like, "I totally fucking forgot I had this... but I have nowhere to put it so I'll just leave it here in this new empty space I have to fill up."

And finally, if you're really in a bind and neither blood stained pillowcases to cover the desk are available, nor the strength to push everything over to one side, here is my top tip for desk organization.

3) Shut the fucking door.

My hands look so old in photos.

1) Find the handle on your office door.
2) Grab it with your hand and pull the door to the point where it meets the wall.  You should hear a clicking sound.
3) Add a sign.  Handmade is cool if you have time.  Smiley face is recommended but not required.

Remember folks, cleanliness is next to godliness.  But when it comes to cleaning, I'm a fucking atheist.  

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