The Miniature Olympics

Are all of you watching the Olympics?  I am. I love them.  I have watched them all my life. And I always think that if sports like handball or synchronized diving were televised regularly I would watch them.  Probably not though.  But I like to pretend to be that generous of spirit when saying things publicly.

Something has struck me with these latest games.  I'm sure it's not a new development but it's something I never really noticed before.  Olympians are massive.  Not necessarily very wide, though some are.  I mean they are effing tall.  That is to be expected when dealing with the best of the best of sports as in most athletics extra height gives you an advantage.

If anyone wants my sunglasses I'll list them on Ebay for you.


And this, my dear friends, is discrimination (you know I only write when I'm peeved about something so don't act all surprised).  It's plainly discrimination.  As plain as the 'petite' written on all my pants.

Before you go and say 'oh well, suck it up.  These athletes are the best and tough titties if you're not the best because you're not 84 feet tall.'

Oh, you would be sooo wrong by saying that to me.  Not to mention a little bitchy.  Check yourself before you I smack you.

We have other olympics tournaments.  We have the Paralympics which is for athletes with physical disabilities.  We have the Special Olympics for athletes with intellectual disabilities (that description is from their website before you scoff- I know if it's intellectual disabilities why isn't Paris Hilton the all time champion?  Got me.).

Why then can't those of us who are short get our own Olympics?  I can't compete against those amazon volleyball players or runners.  I certainly don't have a chance in swimming when their bodies are practically twice the length of my own.  It's elitist I tell you.  It's heightest.  

In fact, I would go so far as to say that the IOC hates short people.  If not, why would they exclude us in this way?  Make no mistake, they are excluding short people.  If they were trying to include us they'd add sports like 'who can touch their toes the fastest' or 'who has the smallest shoe size.'  Yeah, I know those aren't real sports at this time.  But you're missing the point.  The point is that the IOC is a hate filled organization.  And that hate is spelled 'tall motherfuckers.'  

They don't even let short people work at the Olympics.  We could never hang the flags from the ceiling during the medal ceremony, for example.  We also can't reach up to put the medals around the tall athletes.  And when was the last time you saw a cauldron that wasn't hundreds of feet in the air?  The IOC is playing a constant game of monkey in the middle.  And who's the monkey?  The short people.  They are calling us monkey.  That's totally racist too now that I think about it.

To sum up:  

Being tall helps you in sports.
I'm not tall.
That is why, the ONLY reason why I am not an Olympian.
The IOC hates short people.
I demand they have a Miniature Olympics for all of us short arses.  Not the midgets though.  They can have their own.  Cause midget Olympics would be fucking awesome!  

No comments:

Post a Comment