Hollywood is officially in the shitter

I know I've complained about this before.  Many times in fact. Usually it had to do with a stupid remake (Footloose and Dirty Dancing the most wretched examples).  But Hollywood is well and truly in the shitter.  I really can't criticize it enough.  It is like the black shit that sticks to gum on the bottom of your shoe.  

Have you seen the promos for the new Snow White film?  I had already heard of this some time ago and wondered how Kristen Stewart could possibly play anything other than a depressed waif (in real life as well as films).  And yet there I read that she was to play Snow White.  Fine. Whatever.

Have you seen who is to play the evil queen?  Charlize Theron.  Um, what?  In what universe is Kristen Stewart more attractive than Charlize Theron?  Other than the Twilightverse of course.  In every photo you see of Charlize she looks like a goddess.  She literally looked like one at the Golden Globes- a Greek goddess.  If you took all the beautiful women in the world and rolled them into one uber babe it would surely be Charlize.

Conversely if you took all the crack whores in the world, rolled them into a ball, gave them nice skin and a black mini-dress, you'd have Kristen Stewart.

I'm not a Kristen Stewart hater.  I like the Twilight books.  I think she ruined the films of course.  But it wasn't that hard to ruin them.  It was like pouring sour milk on a bowl of vomit flavored cornflakes.  Even without her, the films still would've made me ill.

Yet again Hollywood you have given me a film I will not bother seeing until it's on Netflix Instant five years from now.  Yes, me, Diane.  The girl who used to go to the cinema every single weekend and actually enjoy it- you even alienated me.  

So go take your depressed Snow White and stick it up your arse.  If you need help Kristen can show you how to cope with something stuck up your backside.

1 comment:

  1. I'm more excited for the other Snow White movie, but I'm not sure how well Julia Roberts will be able to pull off Evil.

    Be sure to look up "How to talk like Kristen Stewart" by Key of Awesoem on Youtube. It's great.

    ♥ You're blog.

    I nominated you for the Versatile blogger award here: http://megansbeadeddesigns.wordpress.com/2012/02/01/guess-who-has-two-thumbs-and-is-a-versatile-blogger-this-gal/

    ♥ Keep posting, it brightens up my day with chucks n' giggles!