I thought it was because I'm old

But then I read their ages.  Imagine my eyes popping out of my head now.  Okay.  Carry on reading.

Have you seen this story?  The one about a couple having sex in a public pool for 30 minutes?  No?  Well now you know why I won't go in public pools.  It started with Caddyshack, developed with "fecal incidents" while working at the YMCA and came to a crescendo with this story (I didn't use climax as I thought that too obvious).

We're Going To Need A Cleanup In Lane Three


Bet they got those red blindfolds at a sex shop.



When I read this story I didn't think about the traumatized children or the pervy adults who let it go on for thirty minutes.  Really?  No one bonked them with a noodle?  Okay, reaaallly poor choice of words there.  But seriously, if my kids were near a couple of nasty fuckfaces like this I would at the very least throw a pool toy on them and say "use the rubber." 

What I thought about was, how on God's green Earth did a couple in their 30s and 40s have sex in a public pool?  Let alone for 30 minutes.  Do they have kids of their own?  I don't know about you but a bunch of half naked children makes me agonize over doing a load of laundry, not fancying my chances of playing the skin flute.  And 30 minutes?  Do they not have jobs? Or a mortgage? Aren't they tired and trying to relax at the pool?  Just be like the rest of the fucktards and fall asleep so other people feel obligated to watch your annoying children to make sure they don't drown. 

When I go to the pool (not that I do- see above) I want to lay out in the sun and chill out.  I don't want to try to keep my naked arse from floating to the surface, or play hide the sausage while kids are playing Marco Polo. Marco?  Polo!  Marco? Polo!  Marco? Penis! Um, I mean Polo!

And let me tell you folks- public pools have chlorine.  But you'd have to be having sex in a pool full of Clorox for me to consider even dipping a toe in after you've played trains and tunnels in there.  

My words to that couple?  You're too old for this nonsense you pervy, disgusting, excuses for humanity. Go home and traumatize your own children.  Or better yet? Go to jail and play don't drop the soap.  I hope you get lots of noodle bonking while you're there. 


No comments:

Post a Comment