Scientists say that only three questions remain unanswered in all of human history. After years of research all possible explanations for everything have been discovered save three small items- 'Why are we here?', 'How were we created?', and 'What exactly constitutes a Business Topic on the Etsy forum?'
Dr. Emily Cockworthy of Cambridge in an interview yesterday said, 'We really worked our backsides off, and I think we've done a good job. 3 questions out of infinity is a gosh darn good record.'
The public though does not seem satisfied. At a rally outside the headquarters of the 'You could not make this shit up' Society, organizers were voicing disappointment with the work completed by the greatest minds of the world. 'We really can't believe it. After all this time, you'd think it would be clear who created the universe and what exactly makes a Business Topic on the Etsy forum. How can we look our children in the eyes and say "I don't know" when asked these questions?', cried Mike Hunt, spokesperson for the group called Flag Until Creation is Known (FUCK for short).
Funding may be the issue. Apparently even $20 million is not enough to continue the study of these three questions. 'We simply don't have the money and we're doing the best we can,' stated Dr. Veronica Dribblethwaite, member of the group of 'They' (who came out with the groundbreaking study 'they say...') She then quickly drove off in a wire wrapped Mercedes.
At the time this went to print she couldn't be reached for any follow up questions, and was last spotted in Tahiti with the CEO of Ebay.