The tale of the 4th chair

Does anyone still have one of these?  The lonely fourth chair?  You know the one I mean.  The one that gets pushed up against the wall so no one could even sit in if they wanted to?

Who invented this?  Probably the same person who never picked me for the kickball team in gym class.  How did he pitch this idea?

"You see sir- we'll sell a table with four chairs.  But then, we'll make the table big enough that in order to allow a single person room enough to cook they'll have to shove the table up against the wall.  So they'll be paying for four chairs when they'll only ever use three!  If they need a fourth they'll just grab the little stool from under the telephone. Stupid bastards! (evil laugh, evil laugh, evil laugh)" - Why buy one when you can have two for twice the price?

"Ingenious" said the money grubbing furniture manufacturer.

When you consider it, there are a lot of things that are like this fourth chair that never get used.  The pan at the bottom of your stack of pans.  The stop sign in a deserted industrial development.  The diaphragm in the Duggar's medicine cabinet.  

And I feel sorry for these items.  Looking all lonely and getting dusty.   But they're sort of the lucky ones, right? They stay young while everything around them ages.  That chair is pristine.  No backside has ever dented it.  No marinara has ever dripped on it.  When Grandma dies and you move the table away from the wall during the estate sale, the chair is a perfect example of 1960s design and function.  And then you can sell it for shit loads on Ebay.

What's the moral of the story?  When you're feeling desperate enough to sell your ass for money, remember the tale of the 4th chair.   It's a better investment to keep your ass to yourself.  

No comments:

Post a Comment