Kill. Me. Now.

I know you probably think all I do is complain and/or criticize.  And you're quite right.  But that's not my fault. It's because so much out there sucks.  And it would be unjust of me to simply ignore it when I can point it out to you, make fun of it, and get a perverse sense of superiority out of it.  That's what Jesus would do too.  I'm sure of it.

But we have reached a new low folks.  A horrifying new low.  So low that I'm thinking of ways to end it all. Death by torture?  Crucifixion?  Those would be child's play compared to the pain and depravity we are all going to experience.

They are remaking Dirty Dancing.  I'll pause for your howls of pain and sorrow.  In fact, I'm not sure I can keep typing this post as the vomit is pooling on my keyboard from the chunks spewing out of my face.  I'll wait until the dry heaves come.  Hang on.

If they do, they have to deal with Johnny Castle. 

Okay, I think I can keep going.  Now that the vomit is gone I just have to struggle with the slippery keys from my tears of pain falling on my hands.  I'll deal.  I'm strong.  I can handle it.

Humanity is over.  Patrick Swayze is grinding his hips in his grave right now.  Jennifer Grey's nose is running around the graveyard snorting loudly for all to hear, 'You can rhinoplasty me but you'll never take my freedom!'

I really have nothing else to say about this travesty of justice.  It's all been done.  It's all been said.  And that's proven once again with Hollywood literally (hee hee) raping the anals (hee hee heeee) of film history.  

So this post is for people to suggest to me ways to kill myself that are appropriate for the legend that is Dirty Dancing.  I'm thinking maybe Cha Cha Chaining myself in front of a speeding train.  Or maybe Carrying a Water Melanoma.  Not sure how I can do that to myself though.  Any suggestions?  Please post them here.

Swing low... sweet chariot...


  1. i saw a trailer for footloose in the theater and was horrified and appalled. i feel your pain. is anyone going to be playing "six degrees of whatever-the-new-choad's-name-is"? i think not.

  2. ahahahahaha I'm having cramps from laughing. Love your writing style!!! Erm.... to be honest, what's the fuss about? Sorry I don't have TV at home (nor I wish to have one). Patrick's the best, the rest can suck their toes, not having'em!