For my Etsy friends out there

As you all know, or should know, I have been permanently banned from the Etsy forum.  Now, I have never been banned from any forum in my life.  And I have been active in quite a few over the years.  I think it's even more heinous that I fork over large sums of cash to Etsy every month, but really, who gives a fuck?  The forum has some cool people who I can keep in touch with other ways, and the rest of them are probably typing from padded cells full of granny square blankets and industrial looking vintage stuff that no one knows what to do with.

However, given that I can no longer post the threads for which I was likely banned, I shall do so here on this new "relevancy" thing.  If you're not an Etsian, you should probably stop reading here.  Actually, you probably shouldn't have read this post at all but I do thank you for your attention.  Now go have a latte on me and I'll see you next time.

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We Built This City on Recency

We built this city on re-cen-cy-eeeeee!

There's been a big change on the Etsy site.  We now no longer type in a search term and get all the items most recently listed that could have any remote connection possible to what we're looking for.  Oh, it's much better than that now.  Now we see what Etsy's tech types have programmed into a computer to find for us. Yes folks, Etsy is trying to read your mind.  Can't you just feel their handlebar mustaches rubbing around on your gray matter?   They're sort of like an annoying girlfriend or boyfriend who keeps saying, "Please just tell me what you're thinking!"

I don't know about you, but I'm not all that thrilled with Etsy trying to read my mind.  Yes, I know that "relevancy" is the norm out there in cyber selling shitville.  And yes, I know that having a system which let people feed $.20 into the giant one armed Etsy slot machine was probably a bit you know, well, frankly, working well for lots of people.  Etsy was growing by leaps and bounds all the time we were told.  Now I guess we're supposed to believe that Etsy will grow by even greater leaps and bounds.  Yippee Diane!  (yes, Diane is my real name).

Still, I guess I'm okay with trying to be leapier and boundier.  And I guess I'm cool with no longer dropping coins into Etsy like a vibrating bed machine.  Let's face it.  Both often times didn't work and made you nauseous or left with a raging headache.  Can you say "macbook decals"?  The bane of my existence I tell ye!

At least Etsy doesn't have bed bugs. 

I just don't know where that leaves those of us who make "fuck off coffee mug cozies" cause let me tell you people, no fucker is searching for that.  I have considered tagging my items "steampunk" but I have no clue what that is.  It has nothing to with either steam or punk as far as I can see and that's where my research ended. Oh well, I guess time will tell as to whether people will find my amazing crap.

Until then, get all your tags and titles "relevant"... meaning, "add a bunch of keywords to your items in BOTH the tags and titles..." cause there's nothing I love more than a drop of redundancy in my morning relevancy, "and still be beat out by a copycat who has those keywords in NEITHER title NOR tags" because it just wouldn't be Etsy without something not working or doing so mysteriously so conspiracy theories can crop up all over the forum and blogs like mine and twitter and well, you get the drift.

So thanks Etsy for all your hard work.  I hope it does work so all those late night organic green tea iced lattes the techies blew their paychecks on were worth it. I hope my sales skyrocket as a result. If not I'll just hum to myself, "we built this city on recency!" while I find a cheap motel with a vibrating bed and reminisce while I edit my tags and titles again.