This is why we cannot have funny things

Apparently the Nike store in Boston has some shirts like this in their store window.  Get High! Now do you think Nike means, "walk by this store and don't purchase anything.  Instead go in the alley next door and score some drugs and throw your life into an endless pit of despair and either end up in jail or too poor to buy our products"?  

You don't?  What?  You are having a rational thought?  You think Nike is using a common phrase which may catch your attention to present an athletic feat only possible while wearing their products so you should come inside and buy some right now?  Ding! Ding! Ding!  You're not a moron!  

Unfortunately, the Mayor of Boston doesn't register as high on the IQ test as you do.  I suspect he actually makes an "X" when asked to sign his name.  He has written a letter to the manager of the store requesting that the items be removed from the window.  He thinks the items promote drug use and use the "lowest common denominator" to sell items.  I don't believe he even knows how to spell 'denominator' but who knows. 

And this is why I hate people.  Sure, the Mayor can write letters all fucking day if he wants to.  But I would prefer he use it for things like, oh, I don't know, asking Nike not to make their fucking merch in fucking sweatshops.  How bout that Mr. Mayor?  Rather than worrying about a few rich kids possibly buying a silly tshirt, you could devote a few minutes of your busy drooling schedule to ask Nike to pay people enough to afford both food AND shelter in the countries that produce their items.

But you know what bothers me most about the good work this Mayor is trying to do?  The lowest common denominator comment.  I admit it, I have a complex about my work because I feel some people would describe it as such.  I ask, what is wrong with the lowest fucking common denominator?  Think about it.  It is a math term, but the way we use it is essentially to describe the least sophisticated, most basic version of something- so basic it can apply to the maximum amount of people.  

What other things are the lowest common denominator?  Shit. Yes, we all shit. Elvis even died doing it. Fuck. Yes, we all will likely do this, even those who enter the priesthood because all those bastards are definitely doing it before they join up.  We know even Hillary Clinton had a willing partner at least once. Puke.  At least one time your body will say, 'nope, get this the fuck out of here' and you'll be on the floor, bent over, retching your ever loving guts out.  Just pray someone is there to hold your hair and that you didn't eat pepperoni and olive pizza. 

I could go on.  Point being, what is wrong with the lowest common denominator?  It's what makes us human and how we are all the same.  I think the lowest common denominator is fucking awesome.  The LCD (as the people like the Mayor who can't spell it often write) is ripe for humor and ridicule because we all understand it. It's why reality programming is so popular.

The other day someone said to me they couldn't stand people who are unable to finish a sentence without vulgarity.  I told them that was too fucking bad.  Did you know vulgar is basically just from a word for 'the public'?  It is essentially class warfare in a word.  You know what? Piss us off badly enough and we vulgarians can overpower you and shove your manners right up your arse.  Oh yes. 

As long as we pretend like we are all pristine and without vulgarity we all stop puking and shitting and fucking. What will happen then?  We'll be full of bile and shit and humanity will die.

I hope you fucking like the planet then Mr. Mayor.